MzSerena’s Garden

Tila Tequila’s Girlfriend: Not the Right Kind of Fine – Yahoo! News

Tila has got the worse taste in love interests.  This just pushes me further and further to side with those who said her reality show was all just to get publicity for her and her music.  I mean, how many people who were not ‘super users’ on Myspace.com knew who she was before that? I know I’d never heard of her, despite having been on Myspace for years.

I mean, I watched both seasons of her show, mostly because she’s hot as hell and I found it really cool that they actually put an openly bisexual woman on a reality dating show.  That crossed a line that had been drawn in the sand and made me really happy to see.  The problem is, however, she chose the wrong one.  She did that both times, which makes me really wonder if it was really a publicity stunt and she didn’t really care about the contestants.  As long as they didn’t get more fame than she did.

Finally, after 10 years I got a marker on my father’s grave site. It’s simple, but effective. I felt a lot better after getting it into the ground today. It just felt right. It’s not set straight, however, but there isn’t a whole lot I could do about it. The ground is incredibly rocky and I kept hitting large, flat rocks as I tried to dig down deep enough for the stakes to set fully in the ground. I don’t intend to have it there as the permanent marker, I just needed to have *something* there. It felt wrong to leave it unmarked, especially after 10 years. It’s not been easy for me, honestly, to get to the point where I needed to do this.

It’s hard sometimes for people to understand what it’s like to lose a parent. It’s not like losing a friend or family member, really, unless they were the one(s) who raised you. I’ve heard so many times that it will get easier in time, but it doesn’t really. It never gets easier, but it does become part of the norm. It took me a lot of years to finally get to the point where I didn’t want to cry at the mention of my father. Honestly, I’ve avoided going to the cemetery for quite a while because it was too hard. I need to make it a habit of going more, though, since no one seems to be taking care of that cemetery any more.

I have so much more that I want to say, but I’m not sure about saying it now, especially with Sakka dealing with the loss of her mother. Plus it’s hard to put the words together sometimes. Perhaps later. We’ll see.